


Coming to Terms

by Nikotheamazingspoonklepto



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Gift fic~, Kevin Day is a stressed striker, Kevin getting help, Kevin wishes Neil was cheating cause Neil is the Butcher, M/M, Neil as the Butcher of Baltimore, Sober Kevin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:34:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26458018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikotheamazingspoonklepto/pseuds/Nikotheamazingspoonklepto
Summary: This fic is forM on tumblrwho requested "Kevin/Aaron, Kevin/Neil. Their prompts are: Spy au, magic au, butcher!neil, deaf neil or andrew.  They do not want to receive: Death, infidelity." I LOVE Butcher!Neil/Nathaniel so.... I truly hope you enjoyed this one-shot! <3Thanks toHannahfor helping me create this fic! <3Thank you toleahfor betaing for me and running this event!!! <3ILY <3
Relationships: Kevin Day/Neil Josten
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49
Collections: AFTG Exchange Fall 2020





	Coming to Terms

**Author's Note:**

  * For [moth_writes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moth_writes/gifts).



> This fic is for [M on tumblr](https://insanemreads.tumblr.com/) who requested "Kevin/Aaron, Kevin/Neil. Their prompts are: Spy au, magic au, butcher!neil, deaf neil or andrew. They do not want to receive: Death, infidelity." I LOVE Butcher!Neil/Nathaniel so.... I truly hope you enjoyed this one-shot! <3
> 
> Thanks to [Hannah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FicWriterFirefly/pseuds/FicWriterFirefly) for helping me create this fic! <3
> 
> Thank you to [leah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortheloveofcamelot) for betaing for me and running this event!!! <3
> 
> ILY <3

Kevin sits in the kitchen for the fourth night in a row, arms folded on the table, chin on top of them, glaring at the bottle of wine taunting him from the counter. He's been sober for three years now. It has been an uphill battle to get to this point, but the worry in his gut is eating him alive, and telling him to take the easy way out and numb himself.

He's worked too hard to get to this point to just throw it all away... but he hasn't seen Neil in five days. The first night he had received a nondescript text saying _'I'm fine, I'll be home soon.'_ In hindsight, taking it at face value was a mistake on Kevin's part. Neil wouldn't know the true definition of 'fine' if it was read to him in any of the seven languages he knows fluently from a dictionary with pictures.

Kevin has spent the last four days working out his anxieties into practice, telling the coaches he has no idea where his partner is. He's been texting Neil and their friends in different parts of the world if they've seen or heard from Neil; everyone has come up short, come up with realistic explanations (Renee), or jumped to the worst conclusions (Nicky).

Needless to say, Kevin is close to hitting fuck it and cracking open the bottle to ease his nerves. Instead, he pulls out his phone. No new messages. Kevin has to grip it tightly until his faded scars twinge so he doesn’t simply chuck it at the wine bottle.

It isn't worth it; he reminds himself and pushes against the table to drag himself to the living room to turn on the news. Andrew said he hadn't seen anything about Neil's body turning up anywhere, but that could always change. It’s a grim thought, but a strong possibility...

Kevin stares at the news: for a moment, at least. His focus is slipping with every second that passes without news of Neil. He reaches for the laptop sitting closed on the coffee table, pulling it onto his lap. His heart feels as though it is about to leap from his chest as he stares at the browser that pops up. Googling things? It’s always a bad idea. For a moment, he closes his eyes, wonders if he should just put it away, and hope to hear something soon. But he knows he can't do that.

_Search: Neil Josten._

Kevin holds his breath as the search results appear, but the latest news result is just something about what Neil had been doing in their last game, and the latest general result is yet another _Buzzfeed_ compilation of why Neil Josten is the best.

Right now, that is debatable. Right now, he has left Kevin in an inescapable vortex of worry.

It's with just a bit of regret that Kevin deletes the text in his search bar. Desperate times call for desperate measures, after all. Five days without contact is pretty desperate. Neil sometimes does disappear, but never for this long, and never without so much as a message to say when he might be back.

_Search: Nathaniel Wesninski._

It’s worth a try, but yet again, the only results that come up are from their Fox days, or reminiscing about them.

Kevin sighs, dropping his gaze slowly and closing his eyes. He raises his hand to the lid of the laptop, grip tightening on it. He's just about to close it, resigned to having to wait when he hears a key in the door. He sits up straighter, gaze snapping to it in seconds. His heart rate speeds up, as he waits for the door to open. Relief washes over Kevin as he jumps to his feet, sending the laptop to the ground with a clatter, and races over to his partner;

"Neil! Where the hell have you been? Are you okay?" Kevin's hands shake as he reaches for Neil, grabbing his shoulders, and he looks over every inch of him. The tired smile on Neil’s lips does not reach his icy blue eyes and immediately Kevin knows something is wrong. The next words out of his mouth will be a lie.

"I'm fine, Kev."

Kevin narrows his eyes at Neil and grips his shoulders tighter than before. "Bullshit. You were _gone._ For five days! No one has heard from you! I've been worried sick— I didn't know what to— _Where were you!?_ "

"Do you really want to know?"

If Kevin was relieved to see him before, now he is just pissed off. Why does Neil think he’s asking if he doesn't want to know! _Of course,_ he wants to know! And Neil asking just makes him more anxious about it.

"We said no more lies, Neil. You're free to be you. We're free to be us."

Kevin closes his eyes, not sure how to proceed with this conversation. It's a lot. It's been a while since Kevin's felt like something was crushing him. Neil's absence the past few days brought that back. The memories aren't something he wants to relive.

With his focus somewhere else, Kevin doesn't hear the answer Neil gives. He feels it, more than anything else, the way Neil's shoulders raise, and his chest vibrates slightly as he speaks. He snaps his gaze back, trying to focus on him again.

"What was that?"

"I was with Ichirou."

Kevin's grip tightens on his shoulders and he swallows. Neil was with... Why would he be with...?

Neil just stares back as Kevin tries to wrap his head around this. Why? Why would he be with... be with him?

"It can't be that hard to work out, Kev."

Kevin crumples inside, a wave of nausea crashing into him, drowning him. He shakes his head, his grip on Neil's shoulders weakening from how hard he trembles.

"No. No he said— _You_ said we had to play. That we got to play Exy and-and he'd leave us alone as long as we paid him."

He waits for the smile and laugh, for the tired look in Neil's face to vanish, revealing it was a joke to ease the pain of Neil telling him he was off with Andrew or something, cheating on him with their teammate who is way too into Neil. Not... this.

"Clearly it stopped being enough. I am my father's son after all, Kev."

"No!" Kevin's grip returns, shaking Neil once. "No! You are Neil Josten. You play for the U.S. Court. You are a striker and my partner. That's it!"

"I wish it was that easy."

Kevin just swallows down the lump in his throat, clutching Neil as tightly as he can without hurting him. It's awful. Neil isn't that person anymore. He’s given that up! Just like Kevin has given up the illusion of only being second best. Their pasts are meant to burn to ash and blow away, allowing them to rise again.

But if Neil is going to run off behind his back and...

"Why didn't you tell me you were okay? I can take the lies and secrecy. I don't like it, but I can manage... You... Neil, you left me with _nothing._ I thought you were going to turn up dead!"

Kevin stares at Neil, hoping for something, anything that can answer his question. It would have taken him all of thirty seconds to text him, a few minutes to call him!

"So you're—"

"The Butcher of Baltimore. Yes."

"O-oh... Yeah, sure, that... checks out..."

Neil finally shows some sort of expression that isn't exhaustion by frowning slightly, his eyes sad. Kevin can only imagine the toll this has taken on his mental state in the past few days, even through his own anger and worry. However, he does not know what to think now. After worrying himself to the brink of breaking his sobriety, his own mental and emotional state is wounded and fragile.

"Kev... if you don't—" Kevin slams his hand over Neil's mouth, forcing a confused look into Neil's eyes.

"If you say what I think you were about to, I will punch you." Fuck, now he feels like he's going to cry. "God damn it, Neil. I don't give a shit if you—" Kevin shakes his head, still not removing his hand even as Neil's fingers curl around his wrist. "If that is what it takes to keep us alive, together, playing together then... then we'll deal with it. But you can't leave me without telling me you're okay. It's been ten fucking years, Neil; do you not understand that?"

Kevin lets Neil pull his hand away finally and clings to his boyfriend as he hugs him. Neil's fingers are digging into his back, and Kevin's are tangled into Neil's curls. Kevin takes a moment to compose himself before picking Neil up and settling the both of them on their couch. Neil curls up in his lap with his head on Kevin’s chest.

"I... I couldn't get back to Neil while I was... working." Neil's words make Kevin falter.

He strokes Neil’s curls instead of responding to that, unable to. _Unwilling to._

"I didn't want to be me while I was there. I didn't want to taint the Neil you know with that. _Nathaniel_ just... took over while I took a backseat and let it happen."

Kevin lets him explain, threading his fingers through his hair as Neil tries to verbalise what had happened. He knows it has to be hard for him, but Kevin just wishes Neil had said something, made more of an effort to let him know he was still alive, definitely not leaving Kevin to search his name to see if he would turn up as a found body somewhere.

Kevin drops his head slowly, brushing a kiss against Neil’s forehead. When Neil looks up at him, he just smiles softly, feeling more tired with every passing moment that he holds him. Neil is back, and he is safe. That matters more than anything that has gone on in between.

"Just tell me next time, okay? You are Neil Josten. Nothing can change that. Nothing can taint that."

Kevin hugs him tightly for a bit longer, and it starts to feel like he’s holding his partner together. When Neil tucks his face into Kevin's shirt, he continues stroking his hair. If this is going to be a regular thing, then all Kevin can do is support him, and be ready to piece him back together when he needs it.

They breathe each other in for a long moment before either of them speak, soaking up the evidently precious time they have together, just the two of them. Kevin refuses to take it for granted again after the hellish five days he has spent fretting over his missing partner.

"I will," Neil finally whispers and then looks up at Kevin, voice stronger. "I'll try to remember that. Next time."

Because there will be a next time; they both know that. They would be naive to think otherwise, but as long as Neil comes back to him, as long as he knows Neil is safe, that they are safe, it will be the best they can hope for.

"Okay. Good." Kevin presses their foreheads together, just taking Neil in again. "I'm trusting you here, Neil. I can take lies, but not about this."

"It isn't a lie."

Kevin stares back, reading all of his boyfriend's tells, and then nods, smiling slightly, more relieved than anything else.

"I know."

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment and kudos if you enjoyed this fic!!!!!!! <3
> 
> ~Nikos


End file.
